A friend of mine (let’s call her Gail for purposes of this blog), came to me for advice regarding her new boyfriend situation. Firstly, she did not even know if they were boyfriend and girlfriend or if they were seeing each other casually. She thought they were in a relationship or at least those were the signals this man had been giving off to her. However, she could not handle his drama. Let’s get to the back story…….
Gail had met this guy through friends and had fallen head over heels for him. She was so happy to have met him, and he was coming out of a second divorce. He wanted to meet someone new and start anew. The issue here was he lived in LA, and she lives in London, so, there was going to be a distance between both of them. Her guy had two kids from his first marriage and already had told her to check her fertility levels just in case they decided to have kids together. Gail was happy, finally, a guy that knows what he wants so much so that he is even asking her to check her levels. This was excellent! Finally, she had met Mr. Right rather than Mr. Right Now. They spent two weeks together and then Gail flew back to London. They then planned to meet again shortly which they did, and spent another fabulous ten days or so together. He then told Gail how much he wanted to commit to her and be with her.
All seemed good until one night as Gail was chilling out in a top London spot with some girlfriends he called her saying, “we’ve got to talk. What the fuck are you doing out there chasing men and I am not even there? Why are you out at night with friends? I don’t think this relationship will work”. Gail, was shocked!! She could not believe this! What the fuck? Was this the same person that she knew? The person just told her the moon did not shine through her ass? I mean what caused this absurd reaction? Gail was shocked.
Next day he calls her, and as one would expect, he apologizes. I mean, what was all that about? Gail forgave, and everything was normal and then about three weeks later, after they had another wonderful weekend in London, he texts her again. This time it’s a long, long text and he ended the text message telling her how he cannot be with her because this is all long distance and how he does not know if they should both date one person alone, etc. Gail was distraught; she called me, wanted to meet for coffee, and I met her asap to have a coffee with her and see what I could do to decipher the situation. Gail was distraught this guy push and pull, was just too much for her. She could do anything, but one thing she could not handle was someone that was trying to fuck with her brains emotionally.
To tell the truth, Gail had called a committee of girlfriends to try and decipher what was going through this mans head, and each one had her take on it. Most of the comments I could see came from the perspective that the man must be mental. My conclusion to Gail was that he is just panicking. I told her he must be missing her a lot and cause the whole relationship is new; he does not know how to react, cause he is not in control and they are long distance. He is playing games so she would respond and reassure him. I know it is a bit of a headache, but we all know that most men can react like children, especially when they are not getting things their way. The problem was my sick friend was overthinking, and his mixed messages were not helping either. She then also confided in me that this was the third time this guy had broken up with her hypothetically. Considering the most they had been together at any one time was two weeks, it felt kind of pathetic.
One thing I tried to make Gail realize is that men tend to overreact. I explained to her that it all depended on her, and if she wanted to make the relationship work, then she would have to decide if she can put up with his tantrums. I felt the tantrums were only temporary, but Gail said she thinks that’s the way he behaves. I then said to Gail, “well, do you like him enough to put up with that?” She did not know what she liked or did not like. Gail was just distraught, she so wanted to find a man and was too busy overthinking into everything he did. My advice to her was not to overthink it. If she felt she did not want to talk to him, then no need for her to ask friends, etc. what she should do. I mean the guy was hot, so I also advised her to enjoy what they had and see how it goes. Gail is moving to LA, but she has decided it will not be for him. She wants to be in LA anyway. She has decided to break up with him. Generally, I think he was a good enough guy. She was overreacting to the situation. Sometimes in life, overthinking does not help a situation.
We build all sorts of worst-case scenarios in our head. She could instead just be chilling out and let it all play out.
For a successful, beautiful girl like Gail. To me, it was somewhat surprising why she would be so upset. As women, we are sometimes always creating the worst case scenario for ourselves, when we could just let things flow and make the best of it. I mean Gail has everything. She could decide to see him as Mr. Right Now and see where it goes. If he is throwing tantrums, then ignore them and tell him off like you would a child. The main thing is not to get too wrapped up in something that has not even started properly yet. Enjoy it and don’t be a prude. If he is not right, then dump him and keep it all moving forward!